Diary of A She-wolf
by sherlocked7995
Summary: Sometimes when your heart is broken into pieces and it seems like there is no one that cares. No one cares while you are breaking inside... All you have to do is move on. It is not easy, definitely not a simple path and there are times when you feel like jumping off the cliff would be better... trust me being brave and moving on is worth it.
1. Introductions

Why am I doing this? A. I am bored and need my mind to relax after I study Physics or Chemistry B. I have my exams and I think I write both tests and stories better because fanfiction writing or any sort of writing is relaxing to me C. This plot-bunny is affecting my other stories D. I want to E. I love Blackwater, even though it is not canon.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot and any Original Characters I decide should be in the picture.

**Summary: **Sometimes when your heart is broken into pieces and it seems like there is no one cares. No one cares while you are breaking inside... All you have to do is move on. It is not easy, definitely not a simple path and there are times when you feel like jumping off the cliff would be better... trust me being brave and moving on is worth it.

**Warning: **Renesmee is not born. This will not be canon-compliant.

**Request: **I may sound uptight but I am just an amateur and definitely not an expert at writing but I try to improve and would love to hear or rather read all your criticisms and views on my story. If you do not like something feel free to say it, but please don't "flame" while you do it. Like every writer I absolutely love it and smile like crazy when someone reviews or follows or faves my story.

**Main Pairing: **Leah and Jacob. While other pairings will be canon-compliant, and I will find some girls for Sweet-Seth and Dear Embry and any un-imprinted wolf...

**Leah POV**

* * *

_Introductions_

I am Leah Clearwater, and well I might be your average next door girl and be really sweet, fun, caring and outgoing. Trust me when I say once upon a time I used to be. Just a sweet naive eighteen year old girl who was totally in love with her a year older boyfriend, who proposed her and then they were engaged! And then everything was perfect and they were going to have their happily ever after.

And then... Reality hit me.

I had pretty simple dreams about my life, I did not want to be someone great or someone famous. I was not at all stuck up on making a difference either. I just wanted to be happy. Live the happily ever after with my love of the life, Sam Uley.

Maybe karma was getting me for being under-ambitious or some shit I did not even do but well fate was not on my side as all of my simple dreams... well they were not fulfilled.

My boyfriend, believe me when I say the guy I loved me with all my heart and soul, left me for my cousin, who also happened to be my best-friend... well ex-best friend now (now I know why but it still doesn't make it go away or me happy)

This was enough to send me into a shell from where I did not want to get out.

Now I have seen various people deal with heartbreaks and there are basically three ways to react,

One, to become a zombie, to completely stop functioning and well just existing in the hope that the one you love will return to you and strange thing is I have seen the zombie thing work. Well, when the said broken-hearted person tried to jump off the cliff, but that is not the issue here.

Second would be flee, and trust me I had thought about it and almost did it and I currently know a person doing it. But you also have to trust me this path is not permanent and you will have to come back some time or the other, and well you will regret leaving or so I have been told.

Third and which is my preferred method is throw yourself up in your work so much that you have no time to think about anything that has happened to you. Just work, don't talk to anyone, don't relate with anyone just do whatever you are doing to the best of your capabilities. Work so much that you have nothing else to think about, and when you return from work you are so tired that you just throw yourself on your bed and sleep. Wake up and repeat the cycle again.

I think I was finding peace while I followed the third method. I was scoring the best in the local University and completed my BA in Psychology within two years. I think I was getting over Sam, too.

But maybe fate hated me or was just being a bitch and imitating karma or whatever because my 'peace' shattered when I phased into a giant wolf.

Yes. But we will come to that later.

This shocked my father so much that he had a heart attack.

Now, technically my father had the Coronary Artery Disease, or CAD for short, so it was not entirely my fault but I know I triggered it. I was the only female wolf in the history, some odd experiment of nature, I suppose.

My dad... I still tear up thinking about him, not in public, of course. But I was the closest to my dad and he was my best friend, my confidante, my mentor, the one who helped me through the heart break and well he was my dad. I loved him. His dying took a bigger toll on me than Sam leaving me. I always believed I had experienced heart break when Sam left me for Emily Young, my cousin but it was just a dent. When dad died, I was broken, truly broken and want to hear the worst part?

I did not have time to grieve.

Why?

Because, I had _other priorities_ according to Sam.

Why was he back in my life? Why would I go to a guy who left me months before our wedding so that he could date, marry or and practically live my dream with my cousin.

Well, that was because I was a she-wolf.

A shape-shifter to be precise, a genetically modified species, who can shift into a giant wolf at will or well in extreme rage or anger, specifically designed to eliminate vampires. Before you ask they exist, too but well they are not stereotype vampires.

While there are many who feed on human blood, these which we have to deal on a daily basis with are _vegetarian_ vampires. Don't expect them in some Pure-Veg. Restaurant because the name is ironic. They feed on animal blood so instead of the usual red eyes, they have golden eyes. They do not sleep in coffins or burn in sun, instead they sparkle.

Yep, actually sparkle like diamonds or Tinkerbell.

So we have this treaty with these blood-suckers that they don't hunt on our land and we don't tear and burn them.

All seemed to be simple until Isabella Swan lost her senses... uh... talk about it later?

Well, so Sam is Alpha, or in normal language the leader of our pack, which contains mainly of horny teenage boys, viz. Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Jacob and now my brother Seth and me.

I am not a boy, if you were confused.

While we are a supposed family and have to fight are enemies, united. I did not get any consolation from my pack.

I did not need sympathy or pity, just a bit of understanding as to why I was snappy, short-tempered and screamed or thought vile things about the Alpha.

Well, no one understood, no one except Seth and Jacob.

Seth is my brother and he well grieves death of dad but he was mama's boy and it was easier on him as compared to me, I guess. Also, being in a pack with his hero Jacob Black, or doing what the great Jacob does, he was happy and I was happy that he was happy.

Jacob, had lost his mother when he was young, he had been close to her and understood my loss and even my heart-break, but he was too busy dealing with his problems with Bella (above mentioned Isabella Swan) to care about me. But he did not call me a bitch and treated me like shit.

He treated me no different from the other pack members even though I was a girl, and totally a freak even when compared to them. He actually talked to me nicely.

So, to others I was a bitch, maybe with a capital 'b' and the fact that I transformed into female wolf was something, huh?

I was intolerable and everyone, including myself agreed that it would be better if I wasn't here.

But well blame fate.

Here is the shorter version of what happened after I phased for the first time.

I joined the pack with a bunch of boys, who couldn't stand me and I could not stand them either. I practically fought with me ex Sam everyday, who liked to torture me by showing me images of my dreams with just Emily in my place.

Oh, we shared minds. That was a kicker. So, seven horny teenaged boys entered my brain on a daily basis and worst part was entering theirs.

I learnt that Sam left me because shape-shifters imprinted, that is, found their soul-mates and apparently, Sam's soul-mate was Emily. So, I have to accept it like it or not.

Bella Swan fell in love with a _mind reading_ vampire, Edward Cullen, went to play base-ball with him and then attracted some blood-drinking vampires, who decided that Bella would be a tasty snack and chased her all the way to Phoenix (where she fled) Edward killed the vampire and then something happened between her and his family so Edward left leaving Bella practically like a zombie. That is when Jacob took up the role to heal her and did it whilst falling for her. He phased and things changed, he was banned from seeing Bella because Sam did not want any other girl hurt like me. But Bella was persistent and found Jacob's secret and almost became a part of wolf-pack.

Then she jumped off the cliff.

Yep.

So Alice, Edward's seer, sister saw Bella jumping and then came to check on her. Edward meanwhile decided to kill himself and went to their version of Council.

Bella left everything behind, Jacob behind to save him.

Then Victoria, the mate of the vampire Edward killed swore revenge on him by killing Bella.

She created a vampire army and decided to fight Cullen family.

We joined their forces because we had to save humans and because Jake thought he had a chance.

We won, with Jake gravely injured.

Bella decided she loved Jake but loved Edward more and was going to marry him.

And now I am looking for a fled Jacob Black on their wedding day.

So, here I am the queen-bitch of La Push, Leah Clearwater and this is my life.

* * *

_So tell me if I should continue this? _

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	2. Help

_Help_

I looked around the woods on a high alert even though I was in human form, confirming no one around I started to remove the lavender coloured dress my mother had put on me for the wedding of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen.

After the war with the newborn vampires and the co-operation and unity showed between the Cullens and the pack, we were sort of _friends_ or rather frenemies, Billy, mom and the whole pack had an invitation to the wedding and well Billy, mom and Seth decided to go, Billy and mom to support Charlie and Seth because he actually liked the leeches and well they liked him back.

The Council had agreed for Bella to be turned into a vampire, because of many reasons, first was that she made that choice and wanted to be a vampire, second, it would be much safer with Bella able to fend for herself, no one said that aloud, of course. But Bella being vulnerable attracted a lot of trouble for innocent humans and that was not fair to them or us. The treaty was also upgraded to a rather friendlier and peaceful version, allowing the Cullens to stay on the land for a while longer and also including Charlie and Renee on the secret. Yes, Bella was thinking of telling Charlie that her husband was a blood-sucking vampire and soon she would be, too. But she had not made any final decisions. Thank God... A fun conversation that would be...

_Dad, I am now a blood-sucking vampire, just like my husband and his family. Oh and your best friend's son and his friends morph into giant wolves to kill our kind._

I shake my head to clear my head of thoughts of Bella Swan and turn my thoughts to Jacob Black.

He had fled La Push two days ago.

Honestly, I don't phase for two days and they decide it is okay not to tell me that a member of our supposed family had run away.

'He needed some alone time.'

That could only be the reasoning of Almighty, sarcasm intended, Alpha, Sam.

Well when I learned about everything, just before leaving for the wedding, from Billy who was worried sick about Jake and was talking to mom about it. I glared at Sam, for his stupid analysis and Seth for not telling me earlier and then I slung my infamous shoulder bag and told my mom I was going to look for Jacob and promised Billy I would get him back and then I left the house.

Being a female, whilst being a shape-shifter, I had problems, loads of problems. One of them was clothes. Boys only needed a pair of shorts that could be tied to their leg but well my need of garments of more than that.

After I gained control of my phasing, I pulled out my old shoulder book-bag and phased with it, across my shoulder, it did not tear into pieces and after practice I could run with ease even with the bag on me and so instead of tying my clothes to my leg, I put them in my bag.

It was unusual and I was obviously teased by the pack, minus Sam, about it.

Even Seth called me 'the wolf with the bag', I did not mind.

So, I removed my clothes and placed them in the bag and phased.

_Jake? You can hear me? _I screamed, mentally. For a few moments there was no response and I thought Jacob was in human form but then,

_Leah? What are you...? _He thought back but I did not let him complete his thought.

_What the hell, Jacob? What the hell do you think you are doing? How dare you run away like that? Come back this instant! Do you know how worried Billy has been? He was close to crying. _I screamed at him through our mind link.

_I needed to be alone... _He thought weakly.

_That was selfish, Jake. _I replied, _I want you to come back, this instant and then we will talk._

_Talk? There is nothing to talk! She... she is marrying him and she will then be...a- _He could not even think about it. I felt a pang of sadness for him but then I realized that my mission was to bring him back.

_Look, you knew it was bound to happen, she was engaged to him for God's sakes. Unless you were hoping... oh God you were actually hoping she would come back to you! _I thought, surprised. He had done a good job of concealing it from the pack.

_You don't understand, Leah. _He shot back, angrily.

_And that is where you are wrong, _I thought, showing him the memories with Sam, quite similar to the ones I had seen on him about Bella, _We have a lot in common, and you and Bella, it was few months but for me and Sam, we were together for years, Jake. I know the hurt, I know what it feels like to see someone you love kiss someone else, look at them so adoringly, so filled with love... the way they never looked at you before. _I got carried away, images of Sam and Emily and their love-filled moments flashed between us, at the same time there were flashes of Bella and Edward standing together, holding hands or Bella just looking at Edward, it was such a simple gesture, but the adoration and love was evident even to me. I felt pathetic, here I was trying to comfort and bring back Jacob and instead I was crying my sorrows.

_Don't feel guilty. _Jacob's thought floated towards me, he was closer, I could feel it, _If anyone should feel guilty, it should be me._

_You? _I asked flabbergasted.

_I knew what you were feeling and I knew how it felt, yet I did not help you but here you are. _He thought, he was rapidly approaching, another one of the wolf-y super senses made us realize the vicinity of our pack members.

_Yes, Black, here I am and you did help me, you did not treat me any different than other pack members or like shit, like Sam's gang does and I don't remember you calling me a bitch even once, though technically you would be right. Besides, you helped me at the time of ... of Dad's death and that was the time I needed someone the most. I know you were still devastated with the fact Bella left to find Edward but you helped me nonetheless. That is all I could ask for. I don't need anyone's sympathy._

_I know, believe me, I do. At this moment sympathy is not something I would appreciate and that is why..._

_That is why you left? _I asked.

_Partly, yes the pain was unbearable and I did not want to face it but I was tired of everyone treating me like a fragile thing. Even Sam was sympathizing. _

If not in my wolf form, I would have chuckled, Sam sympathizing was somehow a funny concept. A mental image flashed in head, with Jacob sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and Sam had his hand on his shoulder with a caring look on his face.

_You have a wild imagination, Leah. _Jacob thought, I could feel that his spirits had risen.

_Come back home, Jake, no use running. _I thought back, _I can help, trust me._

_I will... _Jacob thought back, _Only if you let me help you._

_A.N.: _Thank you so much for your interest in my story. I am updating the second part now. Just telling you that the starting might sound cliché but I have something deeper planned out for this story. Any suggestions for improvements are welcome.

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Any ideas are welcome. I just would love to listen from you guys.


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